Filing Abby Away

First Post of the Day

October is my favorite month of the year - I love Fall. It's coupled with the anticipation of cooler weather, pumpkin-everything, the coming holidays and family gatherings... What's not to like about changing from September into October?

Well, this year it's the unexpected grief that accompanied that rollover of months. Let me explain.

Organization is one of the keys of raising a big family; I learned that long ago as our family was growing. And so I developed a digital file system to help me do just that - I have a file for each one of our kids, the dogs, Jolis Chevaux and Horsiemama's Haversacks & Mercantile, and I have one for Abby.

These files sit on my desktop with another file next to them.

The file for the month of the year we are in. 

As photos are taken or received that month, I put them into that monthly file. And when the month is over, I slide the monthly file into the general one and set up a new file for the current month.

This morning I slid Pepper's 9/24 file into the Pepper file, and moved on to the next folder.

It was Abby's.

Just the sight of that folder, still on my desktop despite the fact that she's been gone three months, was enough to make the tears start. I grabbed some tissues and then sat there looking at her file and thinking.

Maybe it was time to slide the entire Abby file into the file where I keep "finished" files (our 45th wedding anniversary celebration, Christmases, etc.)

But I just couldn't do it. Sliding her file away like that REALLY was closure, and I discovered this morning that I am not ready yet to do that. Besides, I am still going out to see Sultanna, Hokey, and Easy. I want to be able to keep a record of their lives and our interactions out at the barn.

So, I created this file.

And I moved it next to the Abby file like past Abby monthly files were kept, ready to be filled with photos of my girl.

That way her presence is still there on my computer, and her file will continue to fill with horses who lived with her and were her friends.

That felt better; that felt right. 

No doubt the day will come when I am ready to slip Abby's folder into the "finished" file with others that are over and done. But I just can't right now.

I just can't.

Another (happier) post is in progress and will be posted in just a bit.

Stay 'tooned!