Resigned & Reluctant

Making Christmas, indeed! I was very busy yesterday, sorting through all my beeswax ornaments, writing up specific lists of which molds to pull and how many I needed to make of them, and more. 

I got a lot done until suddenly I began to hurt in my abdomen. To me there is a difference between discomfort and pain, and boy howdy, this was pain.

It was a familiar pain and one I absolutely did not want to deal with - it involves a surgery that I have been putting off for over two years despite my doctor's recommendation that I get it done.

Long story short, after my pancreatectomy and splenectomy in 2019, I developed a large incisional hernia with a second internal one behind it. They were repaired in 2020 but by 2022 had returned.

It's gotten bigger and bigger and is very visible. (Since I am too old to be pregnant, most people probably assume it is fat, but it's not. LOL)  Aside from having trouble at times with waistbands pressing on it and some discomfort, I've done my best to ignore it for the past two years.

Yesterday, there was no ignoring it. I called my doctor and while she wanted me to go to the ER, I did not. I already had an appointment with her the next day (which is today) and since she is familiar with my health and has checked the hernia many times, I wanted to see what she thought before undergoing testing. (Plus, the pain lessened and became mostly just discomfort.) 

I had to promise to go to the ER if the pain returned, and while it did begin ramping up some later in the afternoon, it was not even close to the level it had been late morning. 

I strongly suspect Dr. Kengeri will send me to the hospital for testing today and that I will not be able to postpone the surgery this time. I'm feeling old, I'm feeling discouraged, and even a bit grumpy. 

And while I am resigned to it, I am very, very reluctant to begin the surgery process yet again. With 17 past surgeries, I am not looking forward to another. Especially not with the holidays approaching.

Another apropros quote today from yesterday's  The Nightmare before Christmas, "There goes Christmas!" Doggone it.

Stay 'tooned.